Sanjay Raval

Web Designer - Bangalore, India

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Little Johnny

TEACHER: Why are you late?
L-JOHNY: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
L-JOHNY: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
TEACHER: Johny, why are you doing your maths sums onthe floor?
L-JOHNY: You told me to do it without using tables!****************************************************
TEACHER: Johny, how do you spell "crocodile"?
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
L-JOHNY: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spellit!****************************************************
TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
L-JOHNY: Yesterday you said it's H to O!****************************************************
TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, Johny, who discovered America?
L-JOHNY: George!
TEACHER: Johny, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
TEACHER: Johny, why do you always get so dirty?
L-JOHNY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
L-JOHNY: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me To write?
L-JOHNY: Your name on this report card.
TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by bitinginsects?
L-JOHNY: Don't bite any.
TEACHER: Johny, give me a sentence starting with "I".
L-JOHNY: I is....
TEACHER: No, Johny. Always say, "I am."
L-JOHNY: All right then... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
Teacher: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
L-Johnny: "Sir, my Mother and Father got married onthe same day same time."
TEACHER: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
L-Johnny: "Because George still had the axe in his hand."
L-Johnny: Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
Father: No. Why do you ask that?
L-Johnny: Well, where did you get this MUMMY then?****************************************************
TEACHER: What a pair of strange socks you are wearing,one is green and one is blue with red spots!
L-Johnny: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same at home.
TEACHER: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I beshowing?
L-Johnny: Brotherly love.
TEACHER: Now, Johny, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
L-Johnny: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
TEACHER: Johny, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's.
Did u copy his?
L-Johnny: No, teacher, it's the same dog!****************************************************
TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
L-Johnny: A teacher

Courtesy: Kalai Vani

Monday, June 27, 2005

Project Manager & Canteen Boy

A Project Manager working in a MNC, as usual after lunch goes incafeteria for coffee.

He relaxes in canteen. He sees a canteen boy cleaning tables he decides to have fun with him. He calls him.

Project Manager : How much do you earn?

Canteen boy smiles...Project Manager - what are your future plans?

Canteen boy keeps quite...

Project Manager - Jab mai mumbai aaya tha tab mere paas bhi kuch nahitha....Aaj mere paas naam hai, shohrat hai, paisa hai, investmentshai,securities hai....tumhare paas kya hai?

Canteen boy - Sa'ab mere paas kaam hai....

Project Manager leaves the cafeteria silently.......

benefits of getting married

A man and a woman, who had never met before, found themselves assignedto the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Thoughinitially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two weretired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk and she in thelower.

At 2:00 AM, he leaned over and gently wakes the woman,saying, "Ma'am,I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be kind enough to reach intothe closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, why don't wepretend that we're married?""Wow! That's a great idea!!" he is excited.

"Good," she replies. "Get up and get your own damn blanket."

Sunday, June 19, 2005

India in 2020

Year: 2020
Place: Two Americans at IBM, USA.
Currency Conversion Rate: Rs. 1/- = $ 100/-.

Alex: Hi John, you didn't come yesterday to office?
John: Yeah, I was in Indian Embassy for stamping.
Alex: Oh really, what happened, I heard that nowadays it has become very strict.
John: Yeah, but I managed to get it.
Alex: How long it took to get it stamped?
John: Oh, it was nasty man, long queue. Bill Gates was standing in front of me and they played with him like anything. That’s why it got delayed. I went there at 2 am itself and waited and returned by 4 pm.
Alex: Really? In India, it is a matter of an hour to get stamped for USA
John: Yeah, but that is because who in India will be interested in coming to USA man, their economy has been booming.
Alex: So, when are you leaving?
John: Anytime, after receiving my tickets from the client in India and you know, I will be getting a chance to fly Air-India. Sort of dream come true.
Alex: How long are you going to stay in India.
John: What do you mean by how long. I will be settled in India, my company has promised me that they will process my Hara Patta (Indian Green card)
Alex: Really, lucky person man, it is very difficult to get a Hara Patta in India.John: Yeah, that’s why, I am planning to marry an Indian girl there.
Alex: But you can find lots of US girls in Hyderabad, Bangalore and Mumbai.
John: But, I prefer Indian girls because they are beautiful and cultured.
Alex: Where did you get the offer, Hyderabad?
John: Yeah, salary is good there, but cost of living is quite high, it is Rs. 1000/- for a single room accommodation.
Alex: I see, that's too much for US people, Rs. 1/- = $100/-. Oh God! What about in Chennai, Mumbai?
John: No idea, but it is less than what we have in Hyderabad. It is like the world headquarters of Software.
Alex: I heard, almost all the Indians are having one personal Robot for help.
John: You can get a BMW car for Rs. 5000/-, and a Personal Robot for less than Rs. 7500/-. But my dream is to purchase Ambassador, which costs s.200000/- but has got a sexy design.
Alex: By the way, who is you are client?
John: Reddy and Naidu Associates, a pure Indian company, specializing in Embedded Software.
Alex: Oh, really, lucky to work in a pure Indian company. They are really intelligent and unlike American Body shoppers who have opened their Fly-by-night outfits in India. Indian companies pay you in full even when you are on bench. My friend Paul Allen, it seems, used his bench time to visit Bihar, the most livable place in India, probably world. There you have full freedom and no restrictions. You can do whatever you want! I wonder how that state has perfected that system.
John: Yeah man, you are right. I hope our America also follows their footsteps.
Alex: How are you going to cope with their language?
John: Why not? From my school days I have been learning Hindi as my first language here at New York. At the Consulate they tested my proficiency in Hindi and were quite impressed by my cent percent score in TOHIL i.e. Test of Hindi as International Language.
Alex: So, you are going to have fun there.
John: Yeah, I will be traveling in the world's fastest train, world's largest theme park, and the famous Bollywood where you can see actors like, Hrithik, Govinda, Shah Rukh and all. Esselworld is also near to Bollywood.
Alex: You know, the PM is scheduled to visit US next year, he may then relax the number of visas.
John: That's true. Last month, Narayanamurthy visited White House and donated Rs. 2000/- for infrastructure development at Silicon Valley and has promised more if we follow the model of High-Tech City of Hyderabad. Bill Gates also got a chance of meeting him. Very lucky person.
Alex: But, Indian government is planning to split Narayanamurthy's Infosys.
John: He is a hard worker man, he can build any number of Infosys like this. Every minute he is getting Rs. 1000/-. It seems, if you keep all his money converted as Rs. 100/- notes you can reach Pluto.
Alex: OK, Good Luck John.
John: Same to you Alex. And don't go to Consulate in a Kurta Pyjama because they will think you are too Indianised and may doubt you will ever come back and hence your Non-Immigrant Visa may get rejected. But don't forget to say "Namaste, aap kaise hai" to the Visa officer at Window5. It seems he likes that and will not give you a visa if you don't greet him that way.